He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm‬ ‭40‬:‭3‬

I needed to get my mouth cleaned out.

I never was one to be laced with profanity and soaked with the particular sourness that comes from long exposure to filthy sentiments.

But it doesn’t take anything more than a passive acceptance of mediocrity to fall victim to sideways negativity.

A little goes a long way when haphazardly sown through the days of our lives.

Addiction thrives on passivity and the curiosity that was so easily adopted when I began my downward spiral.

There were pivotal moments of choosing poorly that marked my story, but those were few compared to the many ordinary moments of co-signing questionable thoughts, friendships and situations.

These were the engines that drove me one day at a time away from the solid ground that for a long time I still knew was the right place to have stayed.

I could still see it though.

The descent is slow. We don’t always lose site of the shore immediately. It was a gradual erosion of my own faith because even though it was small and immature, I would have resisted anything more drastic.

Addiction is patient. It doesn’t need to be forceful. It has an ocean of persuasion behind it.

This is why sobriety does feel so drastic by contrast. We had to arrest the progression by choosing complete abstinence.

Slowing down, moderating, and taking small steps did not work. By the time I needed help, those baby steps were simply not effective.

The real hangover then became the spiritual void and the mental dimness that had become my thought life. There was no way I could stay sober and sane at the same time without a new song.

We need purpose. We need life. We need replacement.

And though we don’t like the look of the solution, we can’t argue with its effects once we’ve become willing to try it.

God, give me purpose and a new song.