Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name.

Psalm‬ ‭86‬:‭11‬

I was fairly convinced I knew enough to get by. I conceded that claiming to know everything was arrogant, but I still felt I knew enough.

And this attitude was calcifying at nineteen!

It’s not only what we don’t know that can bite us, though. Knowing the wrong things or believing well-spun lies can bring down calamity into our seemingly protected lives.

I was knowledgeable about God, religion, society, right and wrong. But this was all shallow. This was a knowledge bred from the crumbs of others that I was willing to pick through.

I’d never truly delved into these things to wrestle with the great truths in life. I’d barely begun to live before veering off into the dark passages of my self-induced addiction.

I swam in the surface tension of spirituality.

The words meant something when I read them, but at some point around high school, the invitations to go deeper began to fall by the wayside.

I believe I was on the beam before that and beginning to truly learn and study and live in the Way. But I fell off. Coaxed by my own curiosity, I went looking for more, for something different.

One step at a time, I slid away from solid ground into a journey through addiction. Truly there was only me to blame.

I thought I knew enough. I thought it was no big deal. This is the mantra that starts in a breath and can chisel a lifetime away.

God, thank you for leading me back on track.