The Hard Work of Looking Back
Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that he will also reap.
Galatians 6:7
Reflection is sometimes a wonderful tool God uses to show us His faithfulness.
And other times it’s like picking scabs prematurely.
Invariably as we sober up and come to our senses, we have left some sort of wreckage behind us. If we are lucky, the damage has been predominantly inward. But, usually we have done a number on the relationships around us.
In many ways, the first weeks of sobriety are a gift of self-work, self-reflection and self-care. Getting clean is typically not as easy as simply stopping.
But at some point if we are serious about staying well, we began to be encouraged by the helpful, healthy, nagging voice of our sponsor to review the minefield of our previous life. It’s time to defuse what remains back there and clean up the rubble.
This. Is not easy. Primarily because it hurts. And because it’s difficult to walk back into things we would rather leave behind.
Don’t go here alone. Sometimes circumstances or people will be best left untouched. But seek the guidance of a trusted mentor, a third party looking on, to help you know when to press and when to leave.
Prayer serves us well during this step too. We need His Spirit to work in us as we seek actual reconciliation where possible rather than simply getting off the hook like we are used to.
God, change my heart, guide my reflection, show me where and how to make amends.