to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires,

Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭22

It’s hard to think of a better description of addiction than, “deceitful desires”.

This is the crux of the problem when we realize we are caught.

It’s an undertow of good desires gone haywire. It’s a longing for more that we cannot quench.

It’s the summation of a lot of decent, if not good, longings. By themselves, they are attainable, admirable and acceptable. But when compounded, they are just a big mess.

We cannot have it all. We cannot possibly seek after the best of all things all at once. And this is a piece of what addiction becomes.

It separates us from others, sure. But by separating us from ourselves, it cuts our legs out from under us.

We are split. We want it all and become engrossed in the effort of amplifying ourselves, thinking that by tweaking our mood, changing our perception, altering our mind that we will find a way to grab hold of and hold on to the desires of our heart.

Desire is good. But we can’t hold it all. It’s meant to motivate us in right proportion to our place in this life and God’s direction for us.

This is an ephemeral mess. And so we keep drinking. Perhaps we are too lucid to understand spiritual matters.

But this presents problems when we honestly assess the real spiritual leaders among us. They are sober minded. Strong. Purposeful. Bent to his will. But rock solid because of it.

No, our minds are part of the problem. No need to poison them further. That’s just desire coming out sideways.

Clarity may be out of reach, but it’s not out of the question if we are now willing to walk toward it.

It’ll take giving up on those deceitful desires for a bit. Just long enough for them to be replaced with real desire. To live. And to help.

God, thank you for clarity that hurts like hell.