Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

Philippians‬ ‭3‬:‭12

Each day of addiction brings with it a dark hope for renewal. With each drink, with each drug, the hope is the same: this will last, this will sustain me, this will fulfill me.

It’s a terrible cycle, as anyone who has been through it can testify.

Every day begins with a desperate seeking of a solution. Only one thing imaginable will fix the craving—physically and emotionally.

But immediately the letdown commences when we realize at some point between then and the next morning that we are right back in the damning circle of our own making.

But we are whole again for bits and spurts in between. We latch on to the idea that we can use and drink normally. We fix our eyes on ourselves and what we think we need.

The problem is so deeply inset in our selfish desire for fulfillment that we misinterpret it as directives.

If we are to live fully to the potential we were created for, we must stop the temporary fixes and move into an eternal solution.

That’s a tall order when we are used to taking things a moment and a drink at a time.

We need to be beaten to a state of reasonableness where we have enough willingness to make a beginning.

Then, we must move ever forward as the real renewal, the painful one, begins.

God, hold me still and keep me busy.