Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame.

1 Corinthians‬ ‭15‬:‭34

It is often helpful to be slapped in the face. Cold reality can be helpful when we are shocked and shamed into adjusting course.

But these are usually moments of clarity. And the difficulty with a moment is that it gives way to the next moment very quickly.

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Recovery literature rightly highlights the importance of such moments of clarity. They are touchstones from which a new life can be born. They are easy to spot but difficult to grab hold of.

I had at least a couple such moments where in brief reflection during my active addiction I knew something had to give. I no longer desired to walk down the path I was on. I desperately wanted to find a way out. To come into the light.

The moment passed.

And there were probably more than I remember.

The last of these, though, was different. Because I was finally willing to take a little bit of action. To accept a little responsibility. To ask for help.

Sometimes this is all that is needed to set the ball rolling. Such was the case for me. It was no secret I was screwing things up. My family had generously provided a way out for when I became willing to take it.

It was not an act of heroism, though, but of desperation, remorse, guilt and shame. Now that is a potent cocktail.

Don’t let anyone tell you guilt and shame are not useful. Sure they can be damaging if we don’t move into the sunlight and start living well, but they were vital guiding forces for me to crawl back into the light.

God, keep me in the sunlight.