The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Zephaniah‬ ‭3‬:‭17

Even when the opportunity to do an about-face comes along, it can be hard to believe it’s possible to change.

This doubt is true to point. We have tried countless times to change on our own. We have watched others clean up their act. We have seen those who don’t need to change and wonder what’s different about us.

And in all things, we wind up with the daily choice to continue.

Thing is, it doesn’t even feel like a choice anymore. It didn’t for me. I was quite desperate and wanted to stop toward the end. There were brief interludes of sober time which brought brief patches of hope.

But despite this, I kept turning back. I kept seeking the comfort of not having to change.

This is a deadly draw. And there was more seeking than finding comfort for sure. What used to provide a safe haven no longer did much.

Even so, the path to freedom remained within reach. Despite our inability to see or believe or reach out toward it, the path is nearer than we know.

God hovers near, and I used to be frustrated that he didn’t swoop in to save in dramatic fashion. But we are left to carve our own journey toward or away from him.

Once we turn toward him, though, he will meet us if we are willing to be led.

For me, it was a bit of a long process getting fully back into the fold—fully accepting him as the actual path to freedom. But each step I took in his direction was a leap away from my hell.

God, help me walk toward you—the straighter the line the better.