Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Psalm 26:14

Maybe the hardest or at least most infuriating part of getting healthy again is the waiting.

When I’m sick, I’m tired and ready to be healthy again. I’ve put in my time and now let me just get back to normal—please and thank you.

The same is especially true when we sober up. We want to snap our fingers and put everything in its right place. We want to sweep the debris out of sight and just move on.

It doesn’t usually work out so smoothly. The trouble with addiction is how wide spread its tentacles have been. Even if I were to neatly hide myself away from the past, it won’t be truly set right without revisiting some parts of it to attempt repairs and/or reparations.

Regrettably, without some guidance even this course of action can be reckless.

We oscillate between two things:

Extreme remorse coupled with the desire to set things right with alcohol practically still on our breath.

Utter shame coupled with the desire to cut tail and run far, far away

The first offers a great opportunity to cause additional, albeit inadvertent, harm. And the second ignores the issue altogether.

How then do we live with the emotions we are suddenly subject to?

Waiting for the Lord sounds like conceding to be passive and miserable, but it’s intended to be an expectant state of mind. When I confidently turn toward him for direction, I am freed of the urgency of my own self-imposed knee-jerk reactions.

I can remind myself, hopefully with the help of trusted counsel, that he is faithful. This gets easier with time and a track record, but it is possible to start using someone else’s.

God, I don’t trust you yet, but I want to.