And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses.

Colossians‬ ‭2‬:‭13‬

This is a Cold War of the heart. In waking from the nightmare of active addiction, I rose up in a bed in a treatment center in another state. I was willing yesterday. But the light of that first day brought a bitter reality.

I would have to actually change. And I had no idea how.

My head was full of the knowledge of a childhood and adolescence that had many forces for good that I had abandoned. But the remnants of the truths that had been planted were thirsty for the light of day.

I had a head start. Having had faith—even the faith of a child—was a huge asset. I at least knew a general direction I needed to walk back towards. All the twists and turns would have to be revealed as I got to them.

But then I considered the difficulty of all this. What a mess!

How’d I let addiction take hold of an otherwise wonderful life? I just needed to focus. Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve overreacted.

These spiritual termites work wonders in the mind and heart of the fresh fish of sobriety. Without help, they will needle their way so deeply into our mind that we’ll be convinced we never really had a problem at all very quickly.

My mind was sicker than my body. And the sharper it became without the poison I had been feeding it, the more deceptive the lies became that built up on the periphery of my fragile new sobriety.

I witnessed many people be devoured and destroyed by those same insidious thoughts as they were brought to fruition. With each, I was able to double down on my own resolve.

Sobering up was not an overreaction. It was a just in time solution.

God, show me the truth and keep my mind sanitized from the lies that want to kill it.