But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah‬ ‭64‬:‭8

I am out of alignment. When I look at the days past I can see no clear divergence but I know I am out of His alignment.

How easily this happens even in sobriety, with spiritual tools and with a heart that is willing and able.

I turn into a scurrying machine chasing my own whimsies when left unattended.

Alcohol amped this to the next level. I was a rabid, raw emotion wandering aimlessly though at times with great resolve.

Maybe resolve has been my problem after all. Instead of settling into a greater will for myself, I resolve to do different, to do better, to seek harder.

I resolve so I can try and bolster my own feelings. I resolve so I don’t have to settle into the spiritual grooves that have been carved from time on end.

And so I remain out of alignment. In need of a tune-up. In search, still, of my calling.

This too, though, is sometimes a simple affair of opening one’s eyes. Particularly for the recovering addict whose primary function is to stay in recovery and to help others to this end.

This is not vocation for most, but it can be a portion for all.

God, herd me back to center when I scurry.