fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭10

If addiction doesn’t beat us to a complete pulp, sobriety will.

In addiction, we are able to at least hide behind the curtain of our vices to distract ourselves and others from the war being waged. The tornado of our addiction tears through our world and anything nearby, but the root of this possession is much deeper.

It clings to us so tightly that sobering up merely makes it clamp down harder. When we awaken in treatment centers, hospital beds or hotels, we find that the cold sweat is accompanied by a hot terror.

What are we afraid of? Strangely, it’s not the consequences of our actions though those can be severe. The whiplash of our drunkenness will come later. Right now, it’s a much more pervasive idea that has us doubled over.

Control.

We are realizing that it’s been slipping away from us for quite some time. And further, we know that this admission and any attempts at recovery will cast away any illusion of control we may yet claim.

And right here we have one of many decision points. It’s a great place to tuck tail and run back to the bottle under the auspicious yet ignorant belief that we’ll manage better this time.

The inability to be honest with ourselves would astonish a bystander if we hadn’t already been through this baffling cycle before. As it is, it infuriates those close to us and confuses those nearby.

It is imperative that we find a power by which we can live. We continue to seek to be this power, but addiction siphons the life out of us in this endeavor.

It is imperative we run our stubbornness into the ground and accept spiritual help.

We are like drowning people who refuse the offer of a life jacket. And let’s not forget, the boat and our potential saviors are right beside us.

God, give me the courage to climb in the boat and the wisdom to stay there.