For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions,

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4‬:‭3

It’s risky business fitting life to suit myself. I still try doing this from time to time. On a stroll through the days, I seem to think I’m owed, I carve off the edges, shift through the weeds and run past the hard spots.

I’m looking for the easy ways. I’m looking for the finish line out here in the middle of the race.

Who doesn’t like a deep breath of victory and the relaxation that comes after a job well done? Aren’t they ingrained within us? Aren’t we made to relish in the goodness of finishing well?

The problem isn’t the desire. The problem is the timing. I confuse the scope of the chapters of my life. They are sentences, words even, in His narrative. But I keep looking for times to relax.

It’s easy to do when that’s all we seem to see. Every ounce of marketing and media pushes me toward fulfillment in and through myself and the things around me.

And yeah, my ears do start itching to hear the permissive, self-gratifying words that have become commonplace: “go ahead; you’ll be fine; you may…”

It should frighten me because I know better. It should give me pause because I am not wholly blind.

Addiction hops in to fill the gaps of hesitation that my sanity tries to bolster. It accelerates the mind death that I become used to. It stifles fear and replaces it with the slow burn of cold terror.

What pulls us out? A friend, a teacher, a guide. When we are ready and willing, they appear. It’s that willingness part that’s a bear. It’s the last hurdle in between despair and the twinges of hope that I can hang on to.

God, tune my ears to the truth.