For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭21

It isn’t as though I set out to trash my faith or to buck up against all of the authorities in my life.

I was in the beginning merely looking for acceptance and relief. More of the former than the latter, though as things progressed, that flipped…

Yes, rebellion played a part. I did have issues with being told what to do. The start of addiction wasn’t lathered in dependency, it was cloaked in curiosity.

Let me investigate what is taboo. Let me see for myself. Let me decide. My biggest mistake and regret was my inability to take the right people at their word.

Had I stuck closer to a healthy mentor, I may have not fallen into the deep end…or better yet, I may have not even experimented to begin with.

But I sought the acceptance of others and compromised what I knew was right in the process.

Very quickly, the allure of addiction replaced the desire for connection with others.

It was not a coincidence that my descent coincided with the end of high school and beginning of college. Very easy for things to change drastically at pivotal moments.

It was then that I began seeking relief from the symptoms of my addiction in the very heart of my addiction.

It works that way. And it progresses as rapidly as we allow it.

By the time it had me firmly in its grasp, I began to realize how I’d put it in the captain’s chair. I centered my life around my addiction.

This is why sobriety is tough to swallow.

It’s a complete overhaul of what we had become.

And this is why making our way back to a sober faith works. It’s a rearrangement of ideals and motivations.

It is a way of life that works and that satisfies. In the thick of it we find what we were looking for—fellowship with likeminded friends and relief that comes from doing the next right things.

God, thank you for the relief you’ve given me.