A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Proverbs‬ ‭25‬:‭28

As we ran into our addiction, chasing it from one vice to the next, we became immune to the wisdom that we once heard.

Control became something for the weak and those unwilling to let go.

We rushed headlong into the thick of addiction as we unknowingly began practicing a tenant of recovery.

Letting go would be the key to getting out of the hell we were falling into. But the first time we let go was when we released our self-control.

The wisdom of others we no longer needed. The warnings of parents and friends we discarded. The caution of youth we mocked.

Slowly at first, but then with the reckless abandon of the truly ignorant, we dove into a new world.

But it was not what it seemed.

Very clearly, I can remember the dissociation that I felt when still drifting between the light and the dark.

I wanted very much to have the benefits of both. But only one can prevail.

In full-fledged addiction, self-control was a phantom. Delusion became my coping mechanism. Hope was never truly gone. I had thrown it out and was too stupid to look for it.

Fortunately, when scraping the bottom, it is often possible to exhaust oneself so much that you consider living differently.

Fortunately, we can be restored.

Thank God for brick walls and the lingering self-worth that can pull us back to a state of reasonableness.

God, make me into a new creation.