We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him.

‭‭1 John‬ ‭5‬:‭18‬

I was more than a tad confused when none of my prayers seemed to “work”.

Were my requests too much of an imposition?

Was I requesting too much? Was I not requesting enough?

I kept returning to God in prayer during my active addiction in the hopes of being reborn, renewed and swept out of the turmoil I’d gotten myself into.

It wasn’t that simple though.

Nothing really happened.

I kept hitting the sack at the end of a day and praying for a way out of repeating it when I woke up.

Then I woke. And the cycle started again.

I was waiting for rather than walking toward God.

He didn’t seem interested in a drastic rescue that I wasn’t interested in running after.

Recovery took persistent effort preceded by great willingness. It ended up being uncomplicated, but quite difficult.

Like a train, the starting was painstakingly slow. But without those first steps in the right direction, I simply would never have gotten anywhere.

I don’t like the phrase God helps those who help themselves, but I appreciate the motivating reasons behind it.

The fact is that I am incapable of helping myself. But I’m more than capable of putting myself at the mercy of God.

My responsibility is turning my will over to Him so that I may be guided by the slipstream of the soul rather than my fleeting personal whims.

God, help me stay in the current you’ve made for me.