May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ.

2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3‬:‭5

I’m convinced the primary reason I drifted into addiction and compromised my own standards despite knowing better was because of an innate desire for individuality gone haywire.

I became so intent on carving my own way that I successfully pushed all else and all others to the sideline.

Barreling headfirst into the unknown, uncharted waters was exciting at first. And it remained so for a while, sure. But I wasn’t blind to the casualties I was racking up.

Sure, there was the teenage angst that helped to infuse me with the requisite courage to do stupid things. It only got me to the starting line, though.

After that I was on my own chasing that coveted state of being independent when I had no business with it yet.

Addiction doesn’t need a lot of room to grow. Start to mix substances and it’s a wildfire in no time. Habits are formed almost as quickly as caution is thrown away.

All of this for the chance to rely on myself. Little ol’ me. A kid at the time. An adult later. The intent much the same till I finally came back around to some good orderly direction.

I didn’t have love or steadfastness when I arrived at the doors of recovery. I had enough willingness to peek inside and give it a chance.

Turns out, all roads led me back to the beginning. In a way it’s one giant facepalm. But it’s also been a blessing to have lived two distinctive paths for chunks of my life.

Yes, I’d prefer to have stuck with the good one all along. But I’m simply happy to be back on it and trying to live under the protection and care of a good God today.

God, thank you for your path for me.