And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Mark‬ ‭12‬:‭30

I’m pretty well versed at loving myself completely. At least by the degree to which I dwell on and conspire for my own well being. It’s an easy task to wake up and begin immediately to just ponder what I need to do in and get out of the day ahead of me.

I’m ashamed to say that this is a pretty normal cadence for me currently despite some of the pretty healthy morning habits I have.

I wake up crazy early. I spend a fair amount of time in the quiet of the house in a time I call devotion but which contains the normal amenities like coffee, couch and contemplation.

I read and pray. I write these reflections. I wake up and I think.

And I think a lot.

Part of my prayer these days has been for focus. For my attention to not be held hostage by fleeting things that don’t matter. For me to be right sized and for my mind to be tuned to God.

The prayer is easy. The doing is not.

And this is proof to me of my addiction being a mere symptom of a human problem which is still all over me. I’m self-centered to the core. Shaking off the mantle of entitlement is a daily exercise.

Turning to God in everything. Focusing on Him through all things. Aligning my desires with His despite the effort it requires. Identifying and praying through my absentmindedness.

Calling myself a work in progress is generous.

God, I want to think less of myself and more of you. Please help.