No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭13

Sobriety is a hell of a lot scarier when you don’t believe in anything.

If all this is happenstance and my own willpower is the end-all be-all, the prospect of fulfillment and safety become funny afterthoughts.

This was my initial state of belief when I arrived in recovery, though I wouldn’t have admitted it.

I’d grown up with faith, albeit morsels that were neglected after many years. But I held on to them as part of my core belief system even in and through addiction. I wasn’t exercising those spiritual muscles but I never disowned them.

However, when push came to shove, disowning them wasn’t necessary since I’d walked slowly away from them one step at a time. One day at a time.

When I needed them the most, I came to the horrible realization that I’d abandoned them long before.

To pick them back up would require a long trek out of the shadows.

Many times, that trek can seem too overwhelming, too long, too much trouble. It can be more attractive to hunker down and hope for the best.

But for the alcoholic and addict who is in dire straits, hoping for the best usually involves drinking and using more, burying their heads in the sand, and continuing to be a whirlwind in the lives of those around them.

Not great options.

We must choose to run to safety. We must choose to accept the help needed to make a beginning. We just choose to follow rather than plow ahead. We must choose life or death.

God, help me choose living things today.