With joy you will draw waters from the well of salvation.

Isaiah 12:3

I was constantly stuck under the presumption that I had to find my own way out of addiction.

Phone books were still a thing when I was first realizing I may have a problem, and I remember perusing the yellow pages looking for a way out.

I even called a couple to try and get the scoop on what it would take and cost to clean up.

I thought AA was an insurance company.

Thank God for the internet. There, I said it. Information is so abundantly available that I am curious what I would have done today. Would it have made it easier or harder because of the plethora of information sources?

Those phone calls did little for me, though. I was still looking for an easy way out. Something to do quickly and under the radar.

Change starts from within, but I still don’t believe we can fix the problem with the same mind that caused it. We need help. I did.

And help is out of reach. That’s what it seems like because I can’t reach far enough; I can only scratch the surface.

To get the help I really need, I’ve got to allow it to reach into me.

This is letting go.

It’s not giving up. It’s conceding to allow outside help into my situation. It can feel embarrassing but we’ll be glad for it when we hurt enough.

God, let me hurt enough to accept freedom.