He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters.
Psalm‬ ‭18‬:‭16

REFLECTION

When plummeting in free fall, you’ll eventually look around. After a time of not smashing into anything, fear will turn to curiosity.

The same combination that was lethal in our addiction becomes a source of faith when put to proper use.

We had preferred to stay out. We had preferred not to peel back the scabs of our addiction. We had preferred to let bygones be bygones.

Fortunately, as a little bit of clean time is put together and some strength returns, we are able to begin thinking somewhat clearly again.

Following directions, contrary to our initial scoffing, seems to be working—at least in part. We may still have questions and doubts. But for the time being, we are returning to the world of the living and feeling a bit more human each day.

All this insistence on turning our will and life over to God to solve our addiction issues is still hard to swallow.

It’s going against the grain to concede that some clean time, a clear head and a renewed conscience won’t suffice for the long haul.

This is the allure. That I still have power.

Sobriety exists in free fall. We learn to trust infinite God rather than our finite minds. Only then does the paradox reconcile.

Only then can I open my eyes and realize that this free fall can last a lifetime.

God, give me the courage to let go of my presupposition.