With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord.

Psalm‬ ‭142‬:‭1‬

Why doesn’t God listen to our cries for help?

Does He listen and simply ignore some of them?

Does He respond?

Am I the one that has trouble listening to His response?

Who I am I to expect such detailed treatment from the Creator of all things?

Doesn’t He say to bring Him all our prayers and petitions?

It’s tricky business trying to be definitive with faith. I can wrap up and bend scripture to fit many of my selfish purposes. I can also ignore them all and throw them out as just well-intentioned and yet often impractical moral suggestions.

I think the wrestling is good, though. I’ve pleaded with Him to relieve my addiction while active in my addiction. It’s a bit hard to fault Him for inaction when the most I was willing to take was praying when it got rough.

Wasn’t I really praying for my circumstances to change rather than having to change myself?

And didn’t He provide a way out once I did come to a place of willingness? He conspired through many people over many years to lead me to Him as I conceded that my way was insufficient to even get what I wanted for myself.

Left to my own devices I can’t even please myself. Sobriety wasn’t the whole answer either. It just cleans out my mind enough to begin the real journey.

And on this journey, I’ve had to cry out to him for direction, for relief, for wisdom, for patience, for the knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out. Sobriety opened the doors, the floodgates of my true need of Him.

God, direct my thinking, open my mind, soften my heart.