For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

Romans 7:18

There is a starkness to the morning light. Particularly after yet another long night.

As the sun creeps up, it brings with it the familiar sting of regret.

It is baffling to us how we have wound up in the same state we’d sworn off time and time again.

To call these relapses is too generous—that would imply some change of character in between our benders.

Why do we return to what we know is damaging us and those closest to us?

Even as the cold daylight solidifies this new resolve and we swear to ourselves and our God that this was ended for the final time, it feels eerily like the last time.

Are we able to see the depths of our powerlessness?

Do we realize the terrible truth that we are in an impossible scenario?

We truly cannot stop.

And dangit, it looks like God made us this way.

Not until we reach the true end of ourselves do we realize the true depths of His provision. We must pray to get enough humility to see this BEFORE we kill ourselves in the endeavor.

We are powerless, but in flailing about we may kill ourselves before realizing it.

God, thank you for waking me up in time to live.