May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans‬ ‭15‬:‭13

Without hope we will flounder and fail. Haven’t we proven this time and again in the cycle of addiction?

Relapse and the progression of my drinking and using wiped away any pretense of getting better on my own accord. I would have preferred this—I tried to “just stop”.

I thought I had a decent amount of willpower and enough intelligence to simply moderate once I’d identified that I might have an issue. Perhaps there are those who can successfully cut back before that turning point has passed.

But there is a desolation spanning out as far as we can see if we cannot stop. Our willpower has failed us. Our God is not answering us. Our friends are drawing away from us. Our desire is a pinhole, a dark star, a blooming disease.

Truly, it was a work of God that began to draw me away from that inferno. I certainly wanted to experience joy and peace. I was seeking the contentedness that comes from a clean conscience.

If what we have been afflicted with is a spiritual malady, then we shouldn’t fear a spiritual solution.

It shouldn’t bother me that I am insufficient to pull myself up by my bootstraps. I should pray and pray some more in the hope for something miraculous to happen.

If God is who He claims to be, this healing and hope and cleansing should be a standard affair for Him. I should do my best to align myself with His will for me in the hope that it’ll work for me too.

I should expect heart change.

And if that’s more than what I want, then I’m certainly free to continue on the path I was on. I know where that leads, though. And I’m convinced that this is the better way, the right way, the hopeful way.

God, help me believe in your goodness.