I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
Psalm‬ ‭119‬:‭11

REFLECTION

Where we dwell matters. And what we consume becomes us. It’s not an overnight matter. We didn’t come to the end of our addiction in one quick swoop.

Rather, it has been layer upon layer of insulation from reality.

We began to drink, and the excuses and reasons matter little. What became important and necessary and ultimate was that we continued the next day or the next week.

There was another outing. Another seeking. We found a glimmer of hope in a not unlikely place. But we misinterpreted it drastically.

It became the savior we didn’t even know we needed. But again, it was a subtle thing. I would have said, “I’m just having some fun”.

Beneath fun there was something sinister at work.

And the reverse is necessarily true. As I have looked specifically for a savior and for freedom from the trap that addiction revealed itself to be, I am convinced that replacement fortifies sobriety.

I must have a replacement for the vacancy addiction has left. Even though it was a corrosive part of me, it hollowed out needed parts of me.

As I return to the Word, as I backpedal on thinking I know best, as I look to learn from others, I see how deeply I need to implant goodness deep down at my core.

It’s not enough to stop drinking or drugging or whatever.

Absence is simply the blank slate we must write something else on to. And we would do well to pass the pen to others for a bit at first.

Then, when thinking has returned to a steady clip rather than a thunderous mess, begin writing a new chapter. I suggest copying sacred words from scripture. The more goodness I burrow deeply into my new self, the more hope I store up for hard times.

And the hard times are coming.

God, write your word on my heart.