Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James‬ ‭1‬:‭12

I felt less under trial than underwater when I arrived in the rooms of recovery.

The only parts that didn’t hurt were the parts that were simply still numb.

But my conscience was never too far gone. It thawed quickly and took its seat in the center of what had become a shell of a life.

Who is to know why we tear our way through so many circumstances before finally coming to our senses.

The important part lies afterward.

Here.

Now.

In these moments that now surround us and impend upon us and beckon us forward.

Brokenness is not a unique state of being, and the less we focus on it, the more we can step into the healing of active recovery.

In fact, the steps we take only work with broken pieces and admissions of failure.

The steps we take also allow us to pick up the assurance of faith and freedom that for a long time we have fantasized about.

This new life can feel like a trial, like a drag. Moving from one task to the next and from one caution to the next. But there is joy in this freedom.

I didn’t realize joy was a state of mind, a condition of the heart, a gift and a result of right action.

I thought it was candy.

But it’s bear hug.

God thank you for this new way.