But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

Luke‬ ‭18‬:‭27‬

Experience has shown me that it doesn’t always get worse. How did I know when it was time to stop? When had I crossed into addiction?

It’s suggested in AA literature that many of us could have stopped before addiction truly set in if we were given sufficient reason to do so.

What would that reason be?

I believe it’s because of a spiritual deficit that I blazed past that point without realizing it was happening.

The reason is spiritual in nature but during those early pre-addictive months and years, spirituality was exactly what I was ignoring.

In my case, ignoring started out as avoidance and critique. I thought the traditions I’d been raised with were well enough but riddled with a lack of substance that I wanted.

Yes, I was narrow sighted. I wanted to feel something. I saw the religious fervor that just looked like silliness and couldn’t identify with it. Then I saw the promise of things that would make me feel different and better.

It was taboo. I never did anything taboo.

And so, I stumbled down the broken path.

This is when it was bad enough to stop. At the very beginning.

At the first available opportunity to realize this truth is when we must pour ourselves into the actual stopping.

Walking away from our purpose and Creator is no better or worse at the first step or the hundredth mile.

God, help me stay turned around.