But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Psalm‬ ‭73‬:‭2‬-‭3

My focus matters. It flits around and doesn’t seem capable of honing in on a coherent thought when we first clean up, but it matters where we devote time.

My thought life is often a mismatched flurry of expectation, jealousy, hope and aspiration. It draws me one way to jerk me back another. I cannot keep up with my unbridled thoughts.

So, I must learn to muzzle them. Not hatefully, but with the discernment of this newly discovered way of life. I cannot simultaneously carry with me the self-centered desires that vie for my attention and the purer thoughts of God for the welfare of others.

I must try to crucify the former for the sake of the latter.

This doesn’t mean I am contented or resigned to be a dull, penitent mute. But rather, that I learn the way to joy that lasts.

It’s an easy thing to be jealous of the fleeting things around me. Worldly success is everywhere and can become the only thing I see if it’s all I look for.

Headlines only pierce the outer layer. They’re only interested in the really good and the really bad. In this, they report a fantasy of black and white.

I want to live in the full color of life, though. I want to be full of the substance that gives peace deep down where my true self lives. I don’t want to be too concerned with the surface of things.

And at the very least, I don’t want surface emotions to dictate how I partake or neglect the spiritual wellspring of my journey through this life.

My focus matters. Probably more than I even realize now. Misdirection and attention high jacking is normal and scary. I want to live more clearly than I know that I am.

God, show me where and how to focus.